JamesOnline.com

Dear Editor:

Recently I discovered that a new campus group was forming to address the issues facing people struggling with their sexual orientation. I support Affirmation, and encourage the Mount to do more to help it students.

I began my college career at the Mount in 1991. As an active member of the campus, I received the "Rookie of the Year" Award for campus involvement. Despite my assertiveness, it was difficult for me to feel comfortable at the Mount, and I sought the school counselor for advice. This turned out to be the worst experience of my life. The counseling I received bordered on the so called "conversion therapy," and violated patient-counselor confidentiality. There is absolutely no reputable study indicating that a permanent change in sexual orientation is possible, yet it was nearly forced upon me.

In 1973, after the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of diagnostic illnesses, the U.S. Catholic bishops issued a pastoral letter, "To live in Christ Jesus," which stated that a homosexual orientation was not sinful. The bishops also wrote that homosexuals "should not suffer from prejudice . . . They have a right to respect, friendship and justice. They should have an active role in the Christian community." The bishops did stop short of permitting actual sexual relationships, but they realized how prejudice was hurting these children of God, and that God had chosen this identity for his children.

Now I do not want to get into quoting specific passages of the Bible, but I simply wanted to point out that not even the church thinks that denying ones God-given identity is healthy. So why was I treated as though I had violated the law? Why was I forced to act like someone I was not?

The counselor told me that I should be "put away" until I was "fixed." The counselor even told my closest friends that I needed to go away, and would not be coming back. This was a humiliating experience to say the least.

I was working to make the Mount better, and here was the Mount telling me to leave. First I submitted to this stern rejection, and I decided to refrain from any further activities at the Mount. Once things settled down, I decided to conform, and show all those who looked down on me that I could overcome. I did. I succeed both in student activities, and academic life. I made the Student Government my passion, and I re-established much of the respect I had lost. I worked hard, and did everything I possibly could for the Mount.

By the time I graduated in 1995, I was president of the Student Government, and received many awards for my contributions to the College. I made the best I could make of the Mount. The Mount gave me education, and career guidance, but it failed in probably the most important area, defining identity. The Mount never allowed me to be myself. I had to go it alone. It was harder than taking any test, or dealing with any Student Government issue. I was an entangled part of the Mount, yet I was so alone at the same time. I knew I was not a danger to myself or to others, but I knew from prior experience that seeking help could lead to disaster.

It was because of all my contributions to the Mount, that I decided to bring my boyfriend to the prom as my date. It was the most difficult decision of my college career, and yet it went virtually unnoticed by most of the guests. It was a step in the right direction, but it did nothing to tear down the iron curtain that blocks students at the Mount from receiving the proper counseling and friendships that they need. It did nothing to let other students know that they are not alone. I always wondered what would happen if someone was not as strong as I had been. The intense feelings of loneliness and hatred of their own identity could lead students to consider drastic means to ease the pain. I hope the Mount will not let any more students go through a similar experience. Ignoring these students will only result in more failures on the Mounts report card.

Fordham is making up for the years of repression. I am a proud member of the Fordham University Gay and Lesbian Law Students Association. I am also not afraid to talk about my sexuality with other students, and when it is appropriate, I can give the homosexual outlook in classes. It has been a discovery of personnel pride, whereas at the Mount I was who other people wanted me to be.

Fordham has made a point to hire openly gay faculty and administrators. The recently retired Assistant Dean was open about her sexuality, and there are several faculty who are open to the community. The Fordham career planning center can also help by matching students with "gay friendly" employers. These are steps that the Mount should be able to match.

There is nothing anyone can do to erase the pain I experienced at the Mount. My only wish is that others will not have to endure the struggle that I did. It takes an entire community to eliminate prejudice and hatred. Only a concerted effort on everyone's part will make a difference.

Sincerely,